Xander the Sperm Donor
by Cyclone
Summary: Tara and Willow want a baby, and they know exactly who they want the father to be. Too bad they neglected to inform him. On hold.
1. Chapter One

Title: Xander the Sperm Donor (1/?)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link.  
  
Rating: Definitely R, probably NC-17 later on.  
  
Spoilers: Up to The Gift. Everything afterwards will be ignored.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: Tara and Willow want a baby, and they know exactly who they want the father to be. Too bad they neglected to inform him...  
  
Author's Note: Contains W/T, W/X, T/X, and suggestive situations. Reader discretion is advised.  
  
* * *  
  
"Okay," Tara said as she and Willow walked toward 1630 Revello Drive, "so we know what we have to do, right?"  
  
"Yeah," Willow nodded. Then she asked hesitantly, "So, um, who goes first?"  
  
"Uh, you," Tara said quickly. "You've known him longer."  
  
"_Me_?" she squeaked. "But, but..."  
  
"Also, you've been with a guy before."  
  
Willow stuck her tongue out and shot back, "Well, you should try it sometime. This is your chance." She flashed Tara a dazzling smile of encouragement.  
  
"Nononono."  
  
They continued in that vein for the next twenty minutes.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander was cleaning the house when the doorbell rang. Ever since Buffy had died two years ago after the fight with Glory, he'd literally moved in and started taking care of Dawn. Anya had left, annoyed with his celibacy -- he couldn't exactly have loud, unrestrained sex where Dawn could hear them, after all -- after the Slayer's death.  
  
In fact, Anya had accused him of still being in love with her.  
  
How little she knew. He hadn't been in love with Buffy for over five years.  
  
He opened the door, and his face lit up when he saw who it was, "Hey, Will, Tara. What's up?"  
  
"Nothing much," Tara replied. "I have some stuff to do, and I thought you and Willow might want to spend some time together. Later." With that, she shoved Willow inside, grabbed the door handle, and slammed it shut behind the redhead.  
  
Xander frowned, "Is she all right, Will? She's acting kinda strange..."  
  
"Huh?" Willow blinked, halfway into an Outrage Face. She smiled, "Oh, yeah! She's fine. We're fine." She glanced over her shoulder and glared at the door for a moment.  
  
"Okayyy..." Xander said. Whatever was up, they'd tell him if he could help. "Um, you want a snack or something?"  
  
"Uh, sure, I guess."  
  
Xander led her into the kitchen and opened the fridge, "So, what do you want? In the way of drinks, we've got OJ, Coke, milk, and plain ol' water. Foods, well, we've got Chips Ahoy!, Oreos, Twinkies, and Hostess Cupcakes."  
  
Willow stuck her tongue out, "Don't you ever eat anything _besides_ sweets?"  
  
"Well, popcorn," Xander grinned, "but that requires a movie."  
  
"All right," Willow smiled. "You pop the popcorn. I'll go pick out a movie."  
  
"Works for me."  
  
* * *  
  
Xander carried a huge bowl of microwaved popcorn in each hand and entered the living room. With a bit of regret, he took a moment to admire the woman his childhood friend had grown into... and had to forcibly direct his eyes from her cleavage, where she'd undone the top few buttons of her blouse.  
  
Collecting himself again, he plopped down on the couch next to her and asked nonchalantly, "So, what're we watching?"  
  
"You'll see," Willow smiled as she hit Play on the remote.  
  
After a moment, Xander stared at the screen, his jaw hanging open. He turned to Willow and sputtered, "American Pie? You _hate_ this movie!"  
  
She shrugged, "So I decided to give it another try."  
  
* * *  
  
On the screen, a woman who could be Willow's clone was discussing what she'd done at band camp, much to Willow's discomfort... but this was her chance, her opportunity. She'd spent most of the movie maneuvering her arm around Xander's shoulders and was relieved when he reciprocated -- albeit in a purely friendly manner.  
  
She leaned against him and whispered seductively in his ear, timing it to match the movie, "So, are we gonna screw soon? 'Cause I'm gettin' kinda antsy." Her other hand crept up his thigh.  
  
Xander froze, his mind unable to process what was happening.  
  
*Oh... my... God. My best friend is groping me. My _lesbian_ best friend -- whom I've been madly in love with for the last five years -- is groping me and asking me if we're going to screw. Does not compute. Begin shutdown procedures.*  
  
"Let me entertain you," she whispered, crawling over him and kneeling at his feet. She licked his lips and reached for his crotch, which sent a shudder through his body.  
  
"Hey, Xander! I'm home!" Dawn's voice shattered the mood, and in a flash, Willow and Xander were on opposite sides of the couch, studiously watching the movie.  
  
*I'm gonna _kill_ Dawn...* Willow thought furiously. She had been _sooo_ close...  
  
"What's with the mega-blushes, you two?" Dawn asked. She grinned mischievously, "You're not Fluking again, are you?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Okayyy, geez," Dawn held her hands up in surrender. "I thought you guys were over that by now."  
  
* * *  
  
*Okay,* Xander thought, *that was not of the good. Willow's happy with Tara, and Tara's a very nice, sweet, lovable, incredibly hot -- do NOT go there, Alexander Lavelle Harris! -- Tara's a nice girl. I can't let the Return of the Fluke ruin things for them.*  
  
He doused his head in cold water again and sighed. He knew he wouldn't be able to control himself if it happened again, which left him with only one solution... as distasteful as it was.  
  
*I'm gonna have to avoid Wills for now.*  
  
Although... it _did_ almost seem like she'd deliberately set that up...  
  
*Nahhh...*  
  
* * *  
  
"Xander."  
  
"Gyah!" He jumped and spun around at the soft voice behind him. "T-Tara!" he sputtered. "Hi. Wh-what's up?" He took a quick look around and let out a small sigh of relief. It wouldn't do his reputation any good if the crew saw him jumping at proverbial shadows.  
  
"Willow's worried about you," the blonde witch said. "She says you've been avoiding her. What's wrong?"  
  
"N-nothing," he said unconvincingly. "Just some... personal matters. Nothing you should worry about."  
  
"All right," she said, "but if you ever need to talk about something you can't talk to her about..."  
  
He smiled, "You'll be the first I call."  
  
Tara walked away and sat down next to Willow at the outdoor diner around the corner.  
  
"Well?" the redhead asked anxiously.  
  
Tara smiled sympathetically, "I think you scared him off."  
  
"I was afraid of that," Willow pouted. She smirked and looked up, "So I guess it's up to you now."  
  
Tara winced.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hi, Xander."  
  
"Tara, hey. What's up?"  
  
"Not much," she said. "Just seeing how you're doing. I mean, with whatever's going on with you and Willow, I figured you could use a friend."  
  
He smiled, burying his guilt, "Thanks, Tare."  
  
"So," Tara sat on the couch next to him, "how're you doing?"  
  
He shrugged, "Aside from the... personal issues... I'm doing pretty good."  
  
"That's good to hear," she said, patting his leg comfortingly.  
  
Or at least, it looked like it was _supposed_ to be comforting, but the proximity of her hand to Little Xander only made him more tense. He did his best to hide that.  
  
And she was either doing it deliberately or being very, very oblivious, because she left her hand resting there while she smiled at him.  
  
"So," he said, his voice an octave higher than usual, "how're _you_?"  
  
"I'm fine," she said. "Have things been going well on the Slaying front?"  
  
"Oh, you know..." he said, stalling while he tried to get his brain working again. "Things're pretty slow. Nothing major since the attempted apocalypse last month. How about you? Learn any new spells?"  
  
"Well..." she said, "we finally figured out that full-body levitation spell, but so far, it still only works when we're nude."  
  
*Oh, God,* he thought with a mixture of delight and dread. *That image is NOT helping!*  
  
A long and -- at least for Xander -- uncomfortable silence reigned while they each tried to figure out something to say.  
  
"So, Xander..." Tara finally said, her face reddening slightly.  
  
"Yeah?" he asked guardedly.  
  
"What's it like?"  
  
"What's what like?" he asked in return, genuinely confused.  
  
"Sex as a man," she replied.  
  
*Oh, shit. This cannot go anywhere good,* was his only thought.  
  
"I mean," she stammered, "I-I've never... with a man before... and I'm kinda curious."  
  
"W-well, why don't you ask Willow? I mean, she and Oz..."  
  
"I did," Tara interrupted. "She says she can't describe it. So I thought maybe hearing how it is from the other end might help."  
  
"Uh... well... that is... um... I don't see how..."  
  
She looked away shyly. "Or... maybe... you could show me?"  
  
There was no mistaking it this time. She was definitely reaching for Little Xander now.  
  
*Danger, Xander Harris! Danger! Initiate panic protocols.*  
  
He practically leaped away from the couch, as though he'd just been branded, "Um, y'know what? I-I should go. Patrol. Evil vampires, gotta Slay."  
  
That said, he turned and fled.  
  
She blinked after him, "But... it's daytime..."  
  
But he was already gone.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
Just a bit of sex comedy to give me a break from the angst and romance I usually write. 


	2. Chapter Two

Title: Xander the Sperm Donor (2/?)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link.  
  
Rating: Definitely R, probably NC-17 later on.  
  
Spoilers: Up to The Gift. Everything afterwards will be ignored.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: Tara and Willow want a baby, and they know exactly who they want the father to be. Too bad they neglected to inform him...  
  
Author's Note: Contains W/T, W/X, T/X, and mature situations. Reader discretion is advised.  
  
* * *  
  
"What's going on with you guys, Willow? Xander's been getting all nervous and twitchy lately whenever I mention you or Tara."  
  
Willow bit her lip and said, "Well... it's nothing, really. Just a... sort of personal thing." She smiled reassuringly, "We'll work it out."  
  
"If you say so..." Dawn accepted reluctantly. "Just... work it out soon, okay? He's getting so jumpy, I'm starting to think the world's going to end. Again, I mean."  
  
"We'll try."  
  
"Thanks. I hate seeing him so tense like that. Ever since Buffy died, he's become almost like a father to me... and now a major 'eww' to that thought," Dawn added as she recalled her crush on the older man.  
  
The door opened, and Xander stepped in with a wave, "Hey, Dawnie!"  
  
"Xander, you're back!" the teenager squealed and tackled him with a hug.  
  
"Hi, Xander."  
  
"W-Willow," Xander said, disengaging himself Dawn's arms.  
  
"I'm... sorry about what happened earlier," the redhead said hesitantly. "Can you forgive me?"  
  
"Hey," he said, "no worries, Wills. You just slipped a little is all. Hug?"  
  
She smiled, relieved, and wrapped her arms around him, and he returned the hug with equal enthusiasm.  
  
He resisted the urge to pull away when he felt one of Willow's hands drift down to caress his buttocks. It was probably nothing, just a flu-... an _accident_.  
  
She felt him stiffen in her arms and moved her hand again, this time to a safer location. *Slowly...* she thought. *One step at a time. Plus, Dawn's here.*  
  
"Thanks, Xander."  
  
"The day Xander Harris can't forgive Willow Rosenberg is the day he's pushing up daisies," he said with utter sincerity.  
  
"Aww, you guys," Dawn smiled encouragingly at them. It looked like things would be getting better between them.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander looked up and blinked, "Tara?"  
  
The blonde witch wordlessly held a finger up to her lips and approached him, a look in her eyes he had never seen before.  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss that blew his mind.  
  
"Hubba-wha?" he blinked down at her as she began kissing down his neck. Placing one last long lick up the side of his neck, she stepped back and pulled her shirt off over her head, blithely tossing it aside.  
  
Almost against his will, his hands reached out toward her breasts, but he hesitated before grasping the perfect globes.  
  
"Go ahead," she whispered.  
  
*Niiice...* he thought as his fingers explored her mammaries. He slipped his hand under her bra and tweaked her nipples. She smiled and leaned in toward him, unbuttoning his shirt.  
  
Tara began to kiss a path down his chest and looked up with a wicked grin as she began to undo his pants...  
  
* * *  
  
Xander bolted upright, covered in sweat.  
  
*Oh, God,* he thought, filled with guilt and more than a little terrified at the implications. *I just... Tara... dream... no way!*  
  
* * *  
  
"Harris, it's your new blonde."  
  
He scowled at Jim. Just because most of his friends were women...  
  
Xander nodded, "I hear ya, Jim. Tell her I'll be right out."  
  
He wiped his hands free of the sawdust and grease that coated them and headed out to greet Tara.  
  
His breath caught in his throat when he saw her there, standing at the edge of the construction site and holding a picnic basket. The bright shafts of sunlight that gave Sunnydale its name seemed to surround the blonde witch in a halo of light.  
  
She was so beautiful, it literally took his breath away.  
  
Shaking himself back to his senses and quashing the memory of his recent dreams, Xander walked up to her and gave a wry half smile, "Hi there, beautiful."  
  
She blushed and smiled, and Xander felt his heart lift. He loved his Willow smiles, always would, but a Tara smile could probably make Deadboy lose his soul again.  
  
"H-hi, Xander," she stuttered, still blushing. "I-I... an apology for the other night." She held up the picnic basket. "I-I made you lunch."  
  
He smiled warmly and accepted the basket, "Thanks, Tara." He set it aside and said, "But there's nothing to apologize for. At least not to me. If you owe anyone an apology, it's Willow."  
  
Tara looked away, then leaned toward him and wordlessly pulled him into a hug, which he gladly returned, despite the warning bells going off in his head.  
  
After a long moment, he realized his hands had moved without consulting his brain. One caressed her back in a manner far more intimate than mere friends should be, and the other was now resting on the curve of her ass.  
  
Her hands had moved as well, one mirroring his own hand and squeezing his buttocks slightly. The other was positioned behind his neck. She looked up at him and said breathlessly, "I don't owe her anything."  
  
That's when she pulled him down into a kiss. At first, he tried to pull away, but with a strength that belied her gentle nature, she kept him close, her lips pressed against his. After a moment, he lost track of time as their tongues dueled vigorously.  
  
She pulled away and winked, "See ya later, Xander."  
  
He could only blink in stunned amazement as he watched her leave.  
  
Or, more precisely, as he watched her derriere swing side to side tantalizingly while she was leaving.  
  
Jim stepped up beside him and crossed his arms, "Harris."  
  
"Yeah?" Xander remained frozen in place, but at least he managed to blink.  
  
"I thought you said this blonde was gay."  
  
"I did. She is."  
  
"Harris, gay women don't kiss guys like that. That chick's straight as an arrow, an' she's pointed right at you, you lucky dog."  
  
Xander groaned and hung his head, "Willow's gonna kill me."  
  
Jim chuckled, "Hey, don't worry about it. Pretty obvious to me you've got some magic mojo going if you can charm a lesbo. Just cast that same ol' spell on your redhead, and she'll forgive you in a flash. Now, c'mon, let's get back to work."  
  
"Magic..." Xander mused. "Of course! That _has_ to be it! Jim, you're a _genius_!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
* * *  
  
*Okay,* he thought frantically as he paged through the massive ancient tome, searching for a way to counter the love spell he had had Amy cast oh so long ago that he was _certain_ was behind the two witches' recent amorous behaviour. *Gotta be in here... gotta be what's going on... nothing else makes sense...*  
  
Two hours later, he thought he found it. *Aha!* He mumbled the description under his breath, "'Lovers True: When matters of the heart are in conflict, this spell shall resolve the issue in a manner most simple. The caster and those involved shall emerge with hearts unbroken and true love satisfied.'" He grinned and crowed triumphantly, "This is perfect!"  
  
All he needed was a personal item from each of the people involved.  
  
He winced. That was going to be tricky.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
The plot thickens. Anyone _really_ think the spell's going to work like he thinks? That's what I thought. ^_^ 


	3. Chapter Three

Title: Xander the Sperm Donor (3/?)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link.  
  
Rating: Definitely R, probably NC-17 later on.  
  
Spoilers: Up to The Gift. Everything afterwards will be ignored.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: Tara and Willow want a baby, and they know exactly who they want the father to be. Too bad they neglected to inform him...  
  
Author's Note: Contains W/T, W/X, T/X, and mature situations. Reader discretion is advised.  
  
* * *  
  
"I never knew he was such a good kisser."  
  
"Who?" Willow asked her girlfriend. "Xander?" Tara nodded, and Willow's jaw dropped, "You _kissed_ him? I thought the plan was to take it slowly for now."  
  
Tara blushed, "I-I know. I-I didn't exactly p-plan it, W-Willow. It just... sorta... happened... a-and I just kinda went with it."  
  
"Way to go," the redhead grinned at her girlfriend. "How'd he react?"  
  
"I'd say... it was positive," she said with a small smile. Her smile faded after a moment, "But I think I scared him off. Maybe w-we should just tell him."  
  
"Are you kidding?" Willow asked. "We'd freak him out if we did."  
  
"We're doing a pretty good job of freaking him out right now, even without telling him," Tara reminded her.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander stepped into No Man's Land.  
  
Well, not literally. Special permission allowed men to set foot on this hallowed ground known as U.C. Sunnydale's women's dorms... permission he did not have.  
  
But though he did not have permission, he _did_ have _a_ mission.  
  
And a darn good disguise, if he did say so himself.  
  
He wore a knee-length dark blue skirt and a bulky plaid blouse over black tights and a padded bra, along with a touch of lipstick, eyeliner, and blush. The wire-framed glasses and stuffed backpack completed the image of a shy new student.  
  
A shy new _female_ student.  
  
He stepped hesitantly down the hall toward the dorm Tara and Willow shared, but to his relief, no one gave him a second glance.  
  
That is, no one gave him a second glance until one Japanese girl smiled at him and gave him a friendly wave. Not recognizing her, he hazarded a return wave. Maybe she was just being polite.  
  
"Hello," the Japanese girl walked up and smiled. She had a slight accent, but otherwise, her English was textbook-perfect. "My name is Midori. I am an exchange student from Osaka."  
  
"Hi," Xander replied in a high falsetto. "I'm Xa-Xena." *Oh, _brilliant_ move, Harris!*  
  
But apparently -- and much to "Xena's" relief -- Midori had yet to encounter the tales of the famous fictional warrior princess. She bowed, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Xena. It is obvious you are new here. Maybe I can help you?"  
  
He shook his head, "N-no. Thanks."  
  
Xander breathed a sigh of relief when Midori departed. *Close one!*  
  
He continued to walk as nonchalantly as he could down the hall. *Almost there...* he thought as something resembling relief flooded through him.  
  
"Hey, baby."  
  
He froze, and almost against his will, his head turned toward the voice.  
  
Xander supposed the guy leaning against the wall and eyeing him was what most women considered attractive. He was tall, blond, and blue-eyed, and he had the look of a football player.  
  
Rather uncharitably, Xander imagined Hitler would love to put this guy on a recruiting poster.  
  
The football player winked at him and said, "Where you headed, pretty lady?"  
  
*Oh, my God...* Xander thought, horrified as he realized that this _guy_ was _hitting_ on him! He glowered at the other young man and said in his falsetto, "None of your business."  
  
Xander tried to continue on his way, but the other guy blocked his path. "Aw, come on, sweet cheeks, you can tell me. My name's Brad. What's yours?"  
  
"Um, uh..." Xander stuttered, but a familiar voice called out from behind him.  
  
"Do not bother her, Brad, or should I tell Melanie that you were -- what is the word? -- 'fishing?'"  
  
Brad scowled past Xander's shoulder and stalked off. Xander turned and smiled at Midori, "Th-thank you."  
  
"You are welcome. Brad is a jerk and a... a..." she searched for the right word and finally settled on one in her native language, "...a hentai. You should avoid him."  
  
"I will. Thanks again," Xander said, fighting the urge to turn tail and run. Every second he spent here was a second he could be caught.  
  
Xander finally made it to Tara and Willow's dorm, unlocking it with the key he kept handy in case of Slaying emergencies, and slipped inside. He sagged against the door and sighed in relief.  
  
"Now," he wondered aloud, "what the hell does that thing mean by a 'personal item'? Just how personal does it have to be?"  
  
He really, _really_ didn't want to have to do this again... and he realized that the only sure way what he got was personal enough would be to make it as personal as possible...  
  
His gaze drifted toward the laundry basket.  
  
*They're gonna thank me when this is over,* he reminded himself, clinging to that thought as he reached into the laundry basket.  
  
He goggled at the crotchless sheer blue silk panties he found himself holding, and his eyes widened even further when he read the "Tara M." embroidered on the waistband.  
  
He quickly stuffed that in his backpack -- no time to get distracted now -- and found a quarter-cup black lace bra that also sent shivers down his spine... and this one was labeled "W.R."  
  
*That should be personal enough,* he thought, his face beet red.  
  
He ducked out of the dorm and looked around the hallway, hoping feverishly that Tara and Willow wouldn't catch him.  
  
"Xena, why were you in that dorm?"  
  
He jumped and squeaked, "M-Midori! Don't do that!"  
  
"Gomen... I mean, sorry," she said, bowing her head. "But... what were you doing in there?" she asked curiously.  
  
"N-nothing," he said. She frowned and looked at him, then prodded his backpack, where the corner of Tara's panties hung out. *Oh, shit.*  
  
She frowned and poked him in the "breast," and since said breast was made entirely of toilet paper, it gave easily. Midori's eyes widened in realization, and her jaw dropped, "HENTAI!"  
  
He dashed out, ducking the hail of books and other school paraphernalia Midori sent flying his way.  
  
Xander didn't stop running until he was in one of Sunnydale's many graveyards. Breathing hard and leaning against a large oak tree, he muttered, "Quite an arm there. Maybe she's the next Slayer."  
  
He began trudging home and sagged in relief when he finally entered the house.  
  
"Xander? Why are you wearing a skirt?"  
  
"Skirt, Dawnie?" Xander repeated dumbly, slightly panicked. "I-it's not a skirt. It's, uh, a kilt. I'm celebrating my Scottish heritage."  
  
"Uh huh," Dawn said, nodding skeptically. "Riiight." *_What_ Scottish heritage?* she thought sarcastically.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander yawned. He had cast the spell last night, and he could only hope it worked as advertised. He still had work today, though, so he needed an early start and a large breakfast.  
  
However, when he tried to get up, he found his arms pinned to the bed on either side of him.  
  
He blinked sleepily at to his left, where he saw a very familiar shock of fiery red hair, and he was suddenly very, very wide awake. He turned to his right and saw a cascade of blonde hair framing Tara's face.  
  
*Emergency! Elevate panic level to Defcon Four!*  
  
"Oh, God," he muttered. "I'm gonna die."  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
Bwahahahaha! 


	4. Chapter Four

Title: Xander the Sperm Donor (4/?)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link.  
  
Rating: Definitely R, probably NC-17 later on.  
  
Spoilers: Up to The Gift. Everything afterwards will be ignored.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: Tara and Willow want a baby, and they know exactly who they want the father to be. Too bad they neglected to inform him...  
  
Author's Note: Contains W/T, W/X, T/X, and mature situations. Reader discretion is advised. Also, quite a bit of angst crept into this part while I wasn't looking. I've been trying to excise it -- hence why it took so long to update this -- but I finally gave up. Much thanks to Pete Meilinger for his assistance.  
  
* * *  
  
Dawn looked at the clock and frowned. Didn't Xander have work today?  
  
The goof was probably oversleeping again. She shook her head and smiled. *I swear,* she thought with amusement, *just _who_ is supposed to be the adult in this house?*  
  
"Hey, Xander," she called as she swung his door open and stuck her head in. "You're gonna be..." she trailed off and froze.  
  
Xander was, indeed, still in bed.  
  
But he wasn't alone.  
  
Slamming the door closed and leaning against it, she hyperventilated. "I _so_ did not see that. That did _not_ happen! Tara and Willow would _never_ have an orgy with Xander."  
  
She paused and thought about that for a moment.  
  
"Okay, _Tara_ would never have an orgy with Xander."  
  
She paused and thought about it a bit longer.  
  
"Okay, Tara _probably_ would never have an orgy with Xander."  
  
Thus convinced, she walked confidently toward the front door. Xander was always oversleeping, and maybe he'd learn to get up on his own if she let him be late for once. That's why she decided to head to school on foot.  
  
It _certainly_ wasn't because of any doubt she had that she'd imagined seeing Tara and Willow in bed with Xander. No way. Nuh uh. Not one bit.  
  
* * *  
  
"So, we're telling him?" Tara asked for the third time.  
  
"Yeah," Willow nodded, also for the third. "We'll tell him, and I'll get what I dreamed of for years."  
  
"You don't have to look so happy about it," Tara said sourly. She did nothing to hide her jealousy, though a small voice in her head wondered just who exactly she was jealous of. She _had_ been rather curious about straight sex, and there was no denying that Xander was a great kisser...  
  
She steadfastly ignored that voice.  
  
"I'm sorry, sweetie," Willow said, a flicker of dismay crossing her face, but even that couldn't last against the realization that she was _this_ close to her life-long fantasy, "but I've been dreaming about him for _years_. First loves never die, Tara, and this will give me some closure."  
  
Willow raised her hand to knock, but the door opened from within before her knuckles struck the door. The redhead smiled, "Hey, Dawnie. Is Xander up yet?"  
  
The Key-made-flesh blinked twice and mumbled in relief, "Oh, so I _did_ imagine it."  
  
"Imagine what?"  
  
"Uh, well, I, uh... Xander's still asleep. I was just about to head to class. Gottagonow,bye!" Dawn said hurriedly, then dashed to the sidewalk and raced toward the school.  
  
They heard Xander's voice emerge from within, "I'm telling you, I don't know _what's_ going on, but you two are both acting really weird today." He stepped out... and froze.  
  
He turned and looked into the hall behind him, where Tara and Willow saw... exact duplicates of themselves walking out from behind him.  
  
Xander summed up the situation rather well.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
* * *  
  
"I cannot believe you would still be so _careless_!" Giles said, shaking his head in disappointment. "Didn't you learn _anything_ from that Valentine's disaster?"  
  
"Hey, G-man, I thought that spell had come back or something, and I couldn't find anything else that might work."  
  
"Why ever would you think something like _that_?" the Watcher frowned. "We cast the counterspell."  
  
Xander rolled his eyes, "'Cause for the past couple of weeks, Wills and Tare here were doing their level best to get me in the sack."  
  
Giles turned to face the witches, merely raising a questioning eyebrow. Well, the two witches who were _supposed_ to be in this world, that is, as opposed to the two who hailed from parallel timelines.  
  
They blushed and looked away, exchanging furtive glances.  
  
"Well?" the older man prompted.  
  
"We want a baby," Willow blurted out.  
  
Tara nodded, "And w-we w-want Xander t-to be the father."  
  
Giles rubbed his temples. He could feel a headache approaching rather rapidly. He pulled off his glasses and proceeded to polish them needlessly.  
  
Xander _stared_ at them.  
  
The other Willow shook her head and asked, "And it didn't occur to you to just _ask_ him?"  
  
"Uh, well..."  
  
"And now we're stuck here." The other Tara sighed, "I miss my husband already."  
  
"'Husband'?" the two local witches demanded in stereo.  
  
She scowled and held up her hand. The golden wedding band that graced her finger glittered. "Yes. Husband."  
  
"Who's the lucky guy?" Xander asked, his curiousity piqued.  
  
She smiled at him and looped her arms around his neck, "Why... you are, sweetie."  
  
"Hey," the other Willow scowled, interposing herself between them, "you're not the only Mrs. Harris here."  
  
"She's not?" Xander squeaked.  
  
"Xander," Giles heaved a sigh and donned his glasses again, "need I remind you that they're here because you cast a love-related spell and targeted them? How can you honestly be surprised at this?"  
  
"Very easily," the younger man replied succinctly, an edge of panic in his voice.  
  
"Well, it's fortunate for you that I have been able to locate a counterspell." Xander perked up, but Giles glared at him and added, "_However_, it's in a rather obscure dialect of Sumerian. It will take me some time to translate it." He glanced at the alternate Willow and Tara, "And please, try to refrain from attacking each other."  
  
That said, the Watcher retreated into the training room behind the Magic Box.  
  
The local witches stayed back. They could feel the animosity radiating from their counterparts.  
  
And frankly, it worried them. What could make them hate each other that much? It couldn't just be over Xander... could it?  
  
"So," Willow Harris said, eyeing Tara Harris, "I thought you worked the other side of the fence."  
  
"Xander's an exception," the other witch replied acidly, "and I'm not going to let you hurt him again."  
  
"'Hurt him'?" the redhead repeated incredulously. "Me hurt Xander? Are you out of your mind?"  
  
"All you ever _do_ is hurt him," she shot back. "You were the most important person in his life, and you shot him down again and again. You called out another man's name when he told you he loved you; you dropped him like a hot potato when you had a chance together; you barely even acknowledged he _existed_ when you went off to college! And why? All for a two-timing _werewolf_! Do you know how often he's cried himself to sleep because of you?"  
  
"Hey! Tara!" Xander tried in vain to intervene.  
  
"How dare you," Willow Harris said softly, her voice ragged. "How _dare_ you bring Oz into this. I chose Xander after the Fluke, after Oz told me the _truth_ about that night. I didn't know it was him in the hospital, and Xander knows that. Besides, I'm not the only one who broke hearts in our past." Her voice dropped, and her eyes narrowed, "And that past is why, in the end, he'll never love you as much as he loves me."  
  
"Okay, that's it!" Xander said, this time physically stepping between them. Glaring at them, he said, "I've had enough of this. You wanna kill each other? Fine. But I'm gonna be elsewhere."  
  
Without another word, he walked out.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander blew out a sigh. That had been _too_ much.  
  
And Tara's -- the other Tara's -- little speech had hit uncomfortably close to home.  
  
*A world where I'm married to Willow. Another world where I'm married to Tara.* He thought about that and decided he liked the idea -- both of them, as illegal as that was.  
  
He didn't know when he'd fallen in love with Willow. He just couldn't remember. As for Tara... no, he wasn't in love with her, not yet. He'd be lying if he said he was, but he did love her, and he definitely appreciated her beauty. And... he had a strong suspicion he was in the process of falling in love with her. Therein lay a major part of the problem.  
  
How could one man be in love with two women at once? Worse, how could he have the gall to love two women who loved each other and were happy together?  
  
More than that, how could he father their child and survive the emotional aftermath? And on the other hand... how could he deny them anything, even that?  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
Sorry about the delay, folks. Also, I would have gone on longer, but then I noticed that this was a decent cut-off point, and it was already about the same length as previous parts. 


End file.
